In a letter home you saved me
How'd you know that I just wasn't right?
You gave me the words to break free
From thousands of miles, you saved my life
In a letter home...
The first time I heard this song, I was serving in Paducah Ky with my companion Hermana Ihler and I cried like a baby. The words of the song rang so true to my own personal experience that I actually thought, "I don't remember writing this song!" I would like to share my own sacred story of how some one's mission and their letter home to me completely changed my life......
As I've mentioned in previous blogs, I was raised in the church but fell away in my youth and spent many years living outside of the gospel. During this whole time, my little brother was preparing to serve a mission throughout his youth by staying true to his baptismal covenants, striving to remain a worthy Aaronic Priesthood holder, getting his Eagle Scout and always finding someone to serve. Sure he had his crazy moments like getting caught throwing oranges at cars or accidentally getting accused of grand theft auto, but he always had his sights on doing what was right. He was the one in my family who knew the most of the messes I was getting myself into but he always showed me nothing but charity as he loved me but also would kindly tell me that I was better than the things I was doing. He has always been more of a big brother to me than a little one.
In the fall of 2010, the same time my brother received his call to serve in the Villahermosa Mexico mission, I felt a pull to come back to church, to start praying and reading my scriptures again. Something about my brother leaving us for 2 years for something he believed, really got me thinking and it was one of the reasons I began to come back. Right before my brother left in February 2011 is when I finally met with my Bishop and got back on the right path. The week my brother was set apart and ready to report to the MTC, we had a moment alone and I shared with him how I had seen my Bishop and was really trying to change. I'll never forget what he shared with me after he shared his love and support, he asked if I was taking the sacrament and when I said no, he told me that it should be the most important thing that I do at that time. I never really saw the sacrament as something important at that point in my testimony and will be forever grateful for my brother who gave me that guidance so that I could have that desire to make that a priority. The month after he left is when I was found worthy again to partake of the sacrament and it was such an incredible and monumental moment in my life.
That's when things began to be really really hard. Coming back to church was the hardest thing I have ever done because the adversary was doing everything he possibly could to keep me from staying on the right path. I had many nights when I would just cry and cry because all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call my brother to hear his loving encouragement. There was one week in particular, when my brother was finishing his time in the MTC that I REALLY needed to hear from him. I begged my mom to mention it to him in his emails and would call her everyday to tell her that I had received nothing in the mail from him. He promised me that he had written me but everyday when I would run to check the mail after work, my heart drop when I didn't have anything addressed from him. There was one day in particular that I was struggling to the point that when I checked my mailbox once again to find nothing, I collapsed on the floor in my apartment and began to cry my eyes out. It was in that moment that I had the thought to check my junk mail. I quickly disregarded it, telling myself that there is NO way I would have misplaced his letter in the junk mail pile. I had that thought come again and decided that it wouldn't hurt to check, I was desperate at this point. When I began to flip through the coupons and fake checks for $5,000, my heart jumped out of my chest when I saw his handwriting on a white envelope. I know that Heavenly Father saved it for me to read at that exact moment. That letter completely changed my life.
I had written my brother previously that I was searching for my purpose at that time and what I needed to do, I added that I was considering doing WOOF and going to Iceland to work on an organic farm there. The respond from my brother completely changed how I was seeing things.
He started his letter off by sharing with me that he had fasted and prayed for me on his PDay and went into the temple seeking guidance from our Heavenly Father on my behalf. Just this alone melted my heart- the fact that instead of fasting and praying for himself or for his companion or for the people he would soon be teaching, that he was fasting for me. It caused me to truly feel the love of my Savior. He continued his words with boldness as he shared with me the answer that he received, "To be frank Haley, Heavenly Father does not need you in some random place in the world picking fruit, He has greater plans for you than that. He has need of you in a different vineyard." He shared a scripture that he was guided to in the temple that morning in D&C 75:2-3 that reads: " Hearken, O ye who have given your names to go forth to proclaim my gospel, and to prune my vineyard. Behold, I say unto you that it is my will that you should go forth and not tarry, neither be idle but labor with your might." He very lovingly told me that The Lord needed my help in His vineyard and that my testimony, that I was still developing, needed to be shared with others. At that moment, I didn't completely understand what that meant but I felt like through my loving brother, I received the guidance and peace I needed.
It wasn't until a few months later as I was sitting in the temple that I understood perfectly what Heavenly Father tried to tell me through my brother's letter. I received the clearest revelation that I have ever received that The Lord needed me and was asking me to serve a mission. I immediately thought of my brother's words and how Heavenly Father had prepared me to receive this call. I'll never forget the joy I felt when I was able to email my brother and tell him of my decision to serve and his enthusiastic reply back. I'll never forget him writing, "Why didn't we think of this sooner??!" After making the decision to serve, I ran into a lot of obstacles and a lot of bumps in the road and my brother's emails always gave me the strength to persevere and continue in this "great cause."
I know with all of my heart and soul, that my brother's service and sacrifice to Jesus Christ blessed and changed my life. I know that every faithful missionary brings their families blessings whether or not they may see them right away. Through a letter home, and many many emails, my brother and his mission saved me and kept me going on my path back to my Savior.
This is the day that I said goodbye to my brother as we dropped him off at the MTC February 16th of 2011, not knowing that we would be saying goodbye for more than two years.
I entered the MTC January 16th of 2013 to serve in the Tennessee Nashville Mission (SP) and my first week in the mission field was my brother's last one in Mexico. It's been really hard not seeing him for 3 1/2 years and knowing that I won't see him until Christmas because the little punk leaves to go back to BYU Hawaii 5 days before I return home! It already breaks my heart to know that when I step off the plane next week, I won't see his face, but, I look forward to the day when we meet again and experience a similar joy that Alma and his brethren felt as they were reunited...
"And it came to pass that as Ammon was going forth into the land, that he and his brethren met Alma, over in the place of which has been spoken; and behold, this was a joyful meeting.
Now the joy of Ammon was so great even that he was full; yea, he was swallowed up in the joy of his God, even to the exhausting of his strength; and he fell again to the earth.
Now was not this exceeding joy? Behold, this is joy which none receiveth save it be the truly penitent and humble seeker of happiness." Alma 27:16-18
I testify that the Savior loves each and every one of us. How grateful I will forever be for His example of service to us and our Father as He came here to suffer for our sins and overcome death. I am grateful for His "letter" to us that can be found in the scriptures, words of His modern day prophets and through the gentle and loving feelings of the Spirit. One cannot look at His divine mission and say that missions don't change lives. Surely, His changed our lives and our destinies forever.
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