We don't see the big picture, but Heavenly Father sure does. We need to learn to trust in His plan. Heavenly Father has found many ways to help me understand that He has a plan for me even though I don't have a clear vision of what that plan is a lot of the time. My mission has been a HUGE way that He has taught me this.....
About 3 years ago, after coming back to church, I was stuck in a part of my life where I had all of this ambition and motivation to do something great with my life but I couldn't figure out what exactly that was. I prayed for months about whether I should go back to school, go do a program abroad get married and etc etc. It wasn't until one day in the temple that I received the strong prompting that I needed to serve a mission. I was SO excited at first because it just made perfect sense. Then as a little time went by, I began to worry about the timing. I was only 24 but I had a hard time trusting that I would have time to go to school and get married and have a family if I went and served for 18 months. (I know it sounds ridiculous now!)
Even with those worries, I still felt like I needed to go so I went forward and put my papers in February 13th 2012. My Bishop called me that day to tell me that they were in and I shouted for joy but then I had a funny feeling that I shouldn't get too excited. Everyone in my family and circle of friends was ecstatic and I even made a poster board of everyone's guesses of where I would serve. Well a few weeks went by and nothing came in the mail. I received a call in March from the Stake secretary telling me that my stake president needed to meet with me. In that moment, I knew what was coming but I knew that Heavenly Father had prepared me for it. I had to wait over a week to meet with President Wilkinson and every day killed me because I just wanted to hear him say what I already knew. Well, the next Sunday rolled around and I found myself sitting in his office around noon. He told me that the mission headquarters had sent him a letter asking him to share the news with me in a kind and loving way but he decided to just read their letter to me instead, which I really appreciated. My heart began to ache as he read, telling me that they didn't feel comfortable giving me a call at that time because of some silly things I had done in my past but that if I remained faithful and valiant, I could resubmit my papers in 6 months. I handled it surprisingly well and kind of just felt a little too okay with it as I shook his hand goodbye afterwards and walked back to my car. I remember driving home and just sitting in my house alone trying to process everything. I promised myself and my Heavenly Father that I would do everything I could in the next 6 months to remain worthy to go. But, as the days passed and I thought more about it, I started to feel upset and angry with what had happened.
If I was already worried about timing then, imagine how nervous I was with 6 more months added to that! There was one day in particular that I was really feeling sorry for myself and I was upset with Heavenly Father. Didn't He know that I didn't have time to waste?! Didn't He know that I needed to go on a mission at that specific time if I was going to be able to fit everything else into my life? As I was swallowed up in those selfish thoughts, a song came on the radio that completely changed my perspective. The Rolling Stones sweetly told me....
No, you can't always get what you want
No, you can't always get what you want
No, you can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime, you just might find
You get what you need
Nothing else could have spoken to my heart more clearer than this song! I finally realized that I wasn't always going to get what I want and when I want it, but I would ALWAYS get what I need. Heavenly Father knows us, He knows what will ultimately make us happy and He will ALWAYS give us what we need to make us happy in the long run, not just for a moment. Those extra 6 months I had to prepare ended up being some of the most amazing and important 6 months of my life. That summer, I met some of my bestest best best friends and I also successfully started to pursue my dream of selling vintage dresses. I was able to have more time with the family I was nannying for and with my own family as well. Most of all, I learned some really important things that I needed to learn to be better prepared for my mission.
I finally received my call to the Tennessee Nashville Mission on November 9th and it was one of the happiest days of my life. I reported to the MTC January 16th 2013. When I look back on these incredible 18 months of my mission, I KNOW that this is the exact time I needed to be here. I needed to be serving at this specific time for my companions, areas, missionaries I've served with and my mission presidents. Most of all, I was supposed to be here for the people I was able to serve and share the gospel with. These people have completely changed my life and I will never forget the sacred experiences I have had with each and every one of them. I know I would have missed out on a lot of these experiences if I had left 6 months earlier.
My mission has meant EVERYTHING to me, every single second and I completely trust and believe that God has even more great things planned for me after this. I know a lot of hard things are going to come my way but that's okay because I know that I can get through anything and that all can be made right through Jesus Christ.
When we can understand that our life is waaaaay bigger than our little perspective, we are more at peace with everything and we will find more JOY. We must trust God more and His plan and His timing for us. If you ever find yourself feeling like things aren't going the way you hoped they would, just remember that with God,you're not always going to get what you want BUT you'll always get what you need! I testify that God loves us, we are His children and He will always take care of His children.
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